Livin' is easy with eyes closed.

Things I can’t say on Facebook

Sometimes I like to entertain the thought that you’re a vampire, because it’s the only reasonable explanation as to why you enjoy sucking the life out of everyone around you.

Things I can’t say on Facebook.

Listen bud… when someone falls out of bed and gets a bloody nose, their first thought is usually something along the lines of “I need to take care of this”. But instead your first thought is “I need to take a picture of this and put it on Facebook while blood is dripping down my face.” I’m no psychologist, but I’m pretty sure a priority evaluation is in order.

Knew it.

Oh and by the way, you owe me a freaking hammock.